don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
