the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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