My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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