8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
