9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
