Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
