My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
