Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
