Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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