I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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