it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
