u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
