Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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