Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
