I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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