____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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