walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
