well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
