just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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