also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
