Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
