I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
