Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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