I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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