i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
