Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
