Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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