I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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