Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
