my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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