My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
