The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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