I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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