I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
