Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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