i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
