you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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