apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
