our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
