singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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