Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
