did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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