i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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