It's Friday. Sex?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
