wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
