Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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