escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
