Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
