i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
