I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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