glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
