I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
