Porn is love you can see.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
