The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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