i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
