Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am one with the molecules
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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