Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
