my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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