it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
