Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My dick has a subreddit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
