Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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