no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
