First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
