you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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