life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
