Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
last night I used snow as a chaser
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
