i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize