i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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