I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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