how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
