I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
