no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
