It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
