I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
try to milk me bitch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
