I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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