you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
