I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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